innocence

i wish i’d met you
when i still had the innocence in me imagining it is so lovely
the way i could offer you the gentle me
it would be amazing
to give you the person you deserve
a person who still
doesn’t feel deceived by the world
a person who still had the dreams
when i still had the beam

if you’ve met me long before i turned 20
maybe i wouldn’t have turned out
like a lost puppy
you won’t prolly have a headache
with my too much drinking
low possibility of catching me smoking
no girls would’ve
made you feel insecure
a chance of my only presence
for you to be assured

i wish i’d met you
when i still had the innocence in me
we’d be reading your favorite book
under a tree
walk hand on hand leaving our traces
our lovely traces in different places
i’d run to you when my house feels blue you’d be there with nothing to do
we’d feel each other’s presence
not knowing how life works
because of our innocence

if we’d met long before
i lost the innocence
we won’t probably stay
in between our silence
i always thought what it would’ve been
to be dating you while we were teens
you as my every first
in a relationship
you receiving all my lame poems
you’d probably keep
what would it be like
finding out things with you about life
sharing an awkward stare
not knowing i want to kiss you
just thinking you’re my favorite
very much like a potato
us growing up with me protecting you
you being there as I get my first tattoo

is this way better?
meeting you when i have no more innocence left to offer?
meeting you when violence took over
when i am already a full goner
how cruel
everything would make
much more sense only if you met me
when i’m not much dense
i love to think about meeting you
when i still have something to offer
i hate it when you see me suffer
i hate to think that you met a loser
you could’ve met me when i was better

before life took the innocence from me before my eyes were forced to see the reality
before the void took ahold of me
before i forget what i wanted to be
we could’ve shared pastries in a café, y’know?
watch you as you take a ride back home before i go
i could’ve plucked tons of flowers
then we’d watch it wither together
i could’ve made thousands of doodles watch you as you pick colors
listen to songs together
bicker whose taste in music is better
if only we weren’t kilometers away
if only we met when we were younger
i could’ve taken you to the ocean or bay
when lost,
to you i’d find my way
how badly i want to picture it all out
it is all in my mind without a doubt

i want to know how you wanted to be loved when you were young
when our innocence was there and cruelty’s yet to sprang